| The realest words I ever wrote:
I don't know.
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| Honestly, I'm really upset over this but I find that small fact difficult to admit to myself. It's based off of the fact that I know myself so well, that I predicted this. No, I didn't 'see it from a mile away,' but at the very least, I saw it. Cartel said "stop getting up for the let down" but I find that hard to do. Sometimes I believe that I know an essential truth but I usually try to keep it from myself. I only ever state it plainly when I'm at my lowest. And yet, everyday it becomes increasingly apparent that I'm right. The weather isn't good here. The forecast calls for torrential rains. And we find ourselves in high seas...
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| In my mind there are two versions of myself. One version is sitting there, innocently sucking on a lollipop. And then the other, spiteful and angry, viciously rips the lollipop out of my mouth and smashes it on the ground. I wonder why.
I really want something good to happen. I feel like good things happen so rarely.
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| Meh, I don't know why I try. It's cold out but I'm in the month of mae. And when I'm not, I just don't know. It almost doesn't work. Almost.
I'm frustrated. Something's got to give. I've been contemplating the reality of it all. I feel like I can only turn my back on the world for just long enough to fall back in love with it again. And then I go right back. I wish I was at least strong enough to stick with my decisions. The sad truth is that the best time is ending and there is nothing I can do about it.
"Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why you had to hide away for so long. Where did we go wrong? You did it right but soon comes Mr. Night creeping over. Now his hand is on your shoulder: never mind. I'll remember you this way."
EDIT:
Everything is good and green. I think I just need to make more of an investment in space exploration.
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| I was on my bike at 51st and 8th when I saw a familiar bagel shop. How one thing can trigger so many memories. For a second I wondered where and who she was.
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